Nathan and I are headed to Houston early Monday morning. This is our every-6-month recap of appointments in the mito clinic out there, and we are looking forward to the week. We will have the wonderful opportunity to visit with old friends and new ones. Nate is finally old enough to realize that he will be flying on an airplane and is so excited about that...but directly after his excitement waned, he made sure to tell me "I not want to be hurt" in talks about his upcoming trip.
Conversations of his anxiety of pain are fairly new to us...meaning, we have only heard of him talking about this in the past week. I had an appointment with one of my doctors this week that Nathan had to attend, and the first words out of his mouth while entering into the waiting room was "I not want to be hurt". I assured him that this appointment was for me and not him, but he repeated the phrase in the nurses station and exam room.
As a mother, we do everything we can to keep our children from pain. We baby proof our houses, intervene in childhood disputes, reign them in as they climb too high on various objects, even try to intervene in friendship/relationship issues...we hate to see our children in any kind of pain, both physically and emotionally. It hurts my heart to know that Nathan fears pain. And it hurts even more to know that it is inevitable in his life...even more than his sister's lives. He will hurt...even more than the belly and muscle pain that he complains of on a daily basis...he will endure more needle sticks, pokes, prods, and tests than most suffer from in a lifetime. There is no way around it. Unfortunately, this encompasses his life.
As parents, we are instructed to guide our children in the ways they are to go. That becomes a bit harder when so much pain encompasses their lives. We then teach them to be hearty...brave...strong...resilient. But that is difficult to watch...and we secretly ask that their pain be inflicted upon us instead of them. What I wouldn't give to encompass the physical pain Nathan has daily onto my own body...as a mother, it hurts like nothing I can describe to see him in pain.
But that can't happen. This is his life. This is our life. This is our journey. Our journey that God has set for us to trek. And during this journey, I will try my hardest to teach my children to go in the ways God teaches and has shown to us. God has given us the incredible foresight to enjoy and love every single moment together...to wrap our arms around our children, to kiss, to laugh, to look into each other's eyes, to touch, to be thankful for all of this...God has given us the ability to excessively enjoy every single moment. This...is a blessing like none other.